it's hard to know whether its the meds or katie

i guess i'm happier. actually i wouldn't say happier, i'm less sad for more of the time.

but katie's arrival has forced me to confront some of my demons--like how i keep house. my house is always in a state of disarray. i usually mirrors my mental state. and it means i will be more secretive and leave less so as not to draw attention to myself. and as much as i hated it when i was young and my mother kept house like this, i guess at some point i just got used to it.

but i don't want katie to be harmed so i am slowly cleaning up and trying to keep the kitchen neat.

i don't know why i am so tired this morning. i feel like i could sleep forever.