sometime around thursday i started to feel really good. one might describe it as slightly hypomanic high. i cleaned my apt. in hours. i slept for only a few hours and was ok. i still met with the therapist on friday. bubbly chic. nice. i'll work with her for a bit. need to have that safety net incase this is all the placebo effect.

missed a dose of the adderrall today and slept all afternoon . but since the last few days i have been up until 3:30 am and still getting up by 7:30 am (or before) I figured I was due. so i didn't take it knowing i would crash. i woke up feeling so lethargic. that lethargy is a bitch because it does make your mind think you are depressed.

but I am up now and determined to make some headway. i found myself yesterday and today wasting time reediting the project i completed to get my master's degree. don't know why. but i sat for hours driven to do it. ad then every few edits i'd come up with something i thought was better but meant pretty much readjusting EVERY clip.

the lady from church who was my mom's best friend asked me today to just surprise my mom and drive my mom to her house. my stomach dropped. i said yes, out of a bit of vindictiveness i have about my mom. but then i realized that the backlash would only hit me. so i told her i didn't think it was a good idea. sucks though. she likes some of the same crap my mom does. buying sugar from William Sonoma.

i told her i had always wanted to be friends with my mom. she said you can not be friends with your kids. i don't mean busom buddies but i would like to be able to talk to her and she talk to me on a semi deep level. is that only true in the movies?