buspirone

that's the drug i am going to ask the dr. for. one of the few that is non sedating and non-addictive and doesn't ahve a high incidence of weight gain. but only good for mild anxiety. i think with the other meds it will be enough.

i was longing for the weekend. and now that it is here i am so lonely. it's not that i need people--i'll see my elderly neighbors and talk to some friends; it's that i need that person. it is one of the downsides of leaving the major depression. the longings for things in life return. but i still don't know how to get them and am not sure i want to take the risk.

i am hoping that i have found the key that will make it easier for me to actually make some effort. i decided that i have to reveal at the bare minimum the ADD to HR. It's the only way to protect myself from getting fired and protect my friend from having to fire me. i told her all she had to do is say it and i would resign so that wouldn't have to happen. i just know that now that she has a new boss who is probably scrutinizing everything, my lack of progress will probably come into question. I'm not really upset about the prospect. And ofcourse I could just be being paranoid.

But i know i need to get as many resources for help because truthfully I can not make any headway. it takes all my energy to tread water to keep form going under. i can not even lift my hand to reach for a buoy.