by the legality
where only blood not love
stakes your claim
drowning in the blood lust
for his and for my own
waiting to see every ounce
of what would not let me claim her
or protect her
drain into the ground
mine with his
mixing like paint
making a beautiful new color
to paint on the canvas
a brilliant landscape of darkness
for me to climb into
sorrow and anger and hurt
will claw at my soul forever
because i failed her
no longer afraid of the wrath
i know now the skys are empty
dancing merrily
into the forever darkness
content because he
will be with me
and not with her
knowing i love her enough
to bear that and hoping
and still even praying
to the empty skys
that she will hear my screams
as the flames singe my soul
forming a melody of love
and know that i loved her enough
and that she feels a bit safer.
and now to go find him.
--------------
I know i can't kill him, but only because I can't find him. I dream of killing him while I am wide awake. when the deed is done i'll sit down and wait. And they will give me the death penalty. the judge will say i showed no remorse. "because there is none to show," i'll say coyly with a wink and smile and then to the gallows i will go singing all the way. ready to chase his soul into eternity and continue my revenge.
i can't let go of that feeling. funny i am beginning to see how people slip over the line into a twisted perverted darkness. i didn't go to church today. i haven't decided if i will go back at all. the minister will talk of man's free will and how eveil comes from that. but what about her free will? why didn't god protect that?
My heart is so dark right now.
I will never be ok. and i don't know how long i will be able to hold on. i can't look her in the eyes and know i failed her. yeah I know i couldn't stop him. but dhe might have told me.
and then the perverse thought crossed my mind that this could be one of her games. She's told lies about that big. and then i'll just drag her off into the darkness.
either way i go.