dualing therapists

i went for my last visit with workplace therapist. he had all the standard ridiculous ideas:

• take a vacation: as if i haven't used all my vacation days for sick days already; as if the rest of my life will let me go on vacation.
• look for another job: and who is going to pay the 1K in meds, $240 in therapy monthly bills while i wait for health insurance to kick in. he counters with maybe you can negotiate some other plan negotiate? do i look like i am in any condition to negotiate?
• look for another job within one of the dominions of my current employer: yeah doing that, except there are few jobs for my skill set. and since i only type with 6 fingers i can't even fathom going to HR to take the typing test and passing.

then he starts trying to give me a pep talk about facing the diagnosis and continuing in therapy (not with him, just in general). here's his crack at it: (you do remember the strawberry story from my regular T right?)

BiPolar and depression can be cured with a few visits to the dr. (HAHA!) and people typically set a time frame within which they must "recover." but a personality disorder took a lifetime to create and will take just as long to fix so no one expects you to recover right away. but a personality disorder took a lifetime to create and will take just as long to fix so no one expects you to recover right away.

if his window had been the type to open i would have thrown myself from it. and then he launches into this roundabout story about how if i was diagnosed with cancer i would go get a 2nd opinion and might find out i didn't actually have cancer. WTF?

Eventually he let's it slip that he thinks I should get a 2nd opinion because he does not agree with the BPD diagnosis. Seems there are some traits necessary for it to be BPD; i figured he was reffering to SI & suicide gestures so i tried to simply say "yeah, it's in there." but his His reasoning? well it seems most BPDs he has met are mean and I am not mean. I burst out laughing. I told him that he doesn't see me interact with other people and i can be quite deviously mean. and since my mom was the person i directed most of my meanness at and she & i don't live together, it has lessened that trait. I point out that I trust my pdoc and therapist implicitly and that both agree that diagnosis can change and they are not afraid to change a diagnosis as they learn more about me.

I've thought about writing him a letter telling him that I found it extremely irresponsible of him to question my diagnosis with me especially since one of the things I expressed to you was my fear about committing myself to treatment.

at anyrate i called my mom and clued her in a bit about the severity of what i was facing and how until i had a chance to work on myself, i needed to limit my exposure and contact with her because in my mind that was the most problematic relationship. she ofcourse went tot he extreme with "you don't have to talk to me if you don't want." eventually the convo went a little better. and then it was like she simply forgot everything i said. she doesn't get that the superficial things she can help me with are not worth a damn. What i feel like i need from her is something i don't believe she has to give.

ah well. i'm tired again.