in a bad place. just ill enough to be struggling, just well enough to keep going and see the darkness that looms.

the semester is about to get worse. i have what amounts to 3 classes to teach plus work a job i hate. can't quit the job until i can amass enough money to be able to pay for mental healthcare out of pocket including meds for the 3 months it would take for another job's healthcare to kick in.

i feel trapped - trapped in my life, trapped in life in general.

oddly enough, all roads seem to lead to destruction.

i just want to wake up and the very first thought of my mind not be "i wish i was dead."

or i just want to not wake up.