i almost drowned once

i tried to learn to be a competent confident swimmer when i was young. i took lessons every summer at the Y. During an open swim period, i got to close to the deep end; the floor sloped and suddenly i found myself unable to touch the bottom. since i couldn't push off, i couldn't get more than 1/2 my mouth above the water. Not enough clearance or time above the waterline to yell without swallowing a mouthful of water. i couldn't manage to get horizontal so I could "swim."

so I spent eons just bobbing up and down. i didn't frantically wave my arms so i wouldn't push water into my mouth. no one really noticed me.

finally a woman swam by and i managed to just quietly eek out "help." she screams and the life guard jumps in and drags me out by my suit straps. the woman berates the lifeguard for not noticing my distress; the life guard tells her that I looked ok, that she had no idea i was in peril.

that's what this life feels like. it is so very deja-blue.

i can't get to rock bottom so i can get a good push off. i can barely get my head above water and breathe. i slowly sink down and more slowly rise up, still barely breaking the water's surface and still unable to get a deep breath so the trip down and up is rather agonizing.

i am stuck hovering. and the lifeguards don't think to rescue me because "i look like i am ok." and that woman is no where to be found, so no one can hear my feeble cry for help.