well

i'm almost scared to whisper it.

I'm ok.

it's not 100%. it's not all the time. but i don't have to will myself to take each breath.

my thoughts still torture me and I am definitely sleeping a lot to avoid a lot. but i am not wading in mud. I need to keep from over thinking things too much or i might spin myself back into darkness.

this is the hard spot. i can see the light but can't figure out how to get there and can't seem to make my legs work. this is when i get frustrated. it is in this place when i am acutely aware of my borderline tendencies, the ones i can not do more than just ignore without tearing myself to shreds to rebuild.

but it is what it is.