preparedness

one of the things we talked about in the hospital was being prepared to keep from missing doses. We were instructed to keep a day's dose on us at all times. I was good, I had one in my wallet, my desk drawer and in the car. Problem was my meds weren't stable to it meant continually updating the backups.

and this situation made me realize something else. I normally get my meds thru a mail order in 90 day increments. I hadn't because I was trying to make sure this regimen was going to stick as I am tired of getting stuck with bottles of pills. BUT when i see the pdoc in a few weeks I will ask him for my ail order scripts and a 30 day script. Seems I can submit both at the same time because they assume the mail order will take 2 weeks and they have to let me have 30 days in the mean time. So I will ahve "extras" which I will stash. OR he'll ahve to give me a 30 day script which I will take to the pharmacy and get them to enter but not fill (so I don't lose the script).

And I'll ask him for samples.

I'm also debating whether to pay the 3rd tier price for my lamictal and not get the generic. I hate being on a med when it switches to generic. it makes me paranoid about the effectiveness. Yes I know it is the same drug and i believe that, but just like i can't take certain vitamins because of the formulation and extras, i worry about my generics working EXACTLY the same. See this is precise sh*t. I can't afford to have anything f*ck*ng it up, the stakes are too high.

i realized that it has now been over a year since i left the hospital and i am not on any of the drugs they put me on except the occassional seroquel. i wonder now how effective the "hit em hard, hit em' fast" method of prescribing meds really was? How much of the "success" of treatment was just the atmosphere, my friends, my caretakers, my ability to walk away from my life for a moment?

it also makes me think becuse like sid said in her comment to my last post, you do forget the illness and think you should be jumping right back into life at the 1st sign of remission.it made me realize my remission is only a mental remission; the behavioral impact of my disease is till there and still binding me. i sat today and realized my limitations and thought about whether i should reenter therapy and try to conquer some of them.

but i am not strong enough yet. i read the article sid lnked to about borderline and realized how far i have come. its good enough for now.