my old t was right.

my issues will keep kicking my ass. i thought i would be able to tuck them away nicely and just go on. but,

i don't know what to do. knowing i will never have the life i would like because i can't get past myself. it should push me to fight for my life. but as usual all i want to do is lie down and pretend that the world does not exist.

why can't i want it enough to just go fight for it? why is that will power missing?

the worst thing is life is tossing and turning me about. every new thing is like a ding in the already cracked and worn and beaten armor.

ah well.