went to the dr's today. seems my blood pressure med is not working. so i guess i am in high blood pressure stage 1. and I'm pretty sure my blood sugar is still elevated. so when I see my PCP in a few weeks, I guess I'll be getting more meds!
as a result, i got all sort of let downs today:
- "oh we do diet prescriptions here" :) ; "oh you can't have them because of your BP & Diabetes." :(
- "ok let's get you setup for birth control" :) ; "oh you can't take the pill because of the risk of clots with your age, weight, BP & sugar" :(
Yeah brief female rant: I'm a mentally ill, older, obese woman who probably shouldn't have kids. why the hell can't i find a birth control method that won't make me crazier or fatter?
on the upside we may have discovered that the chest discomfort is because the weight gain has made my bra too small! (hey I'll take what I can get).
so i was devastated after my appt and texted cmh. he is being really sweet these days. my anxieties and insecurities won't even let me take this at face value. i wish i could tell you how my mind is twisting everything. i am trying to compartmentalize all of that so I don't ruin our friendship. it has been the central fear that apparently has motivated both of us for the last 20+ years.
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