guess where i'm posting from?

My shrink's office. he has an open unsecured wireless network. and i brought my laptop because i knew i would get here early because the car dealership was bringing me after I dropped my car off for service.

it's a nice new office and it is near the pit beef place i really like!

i'm sitting here feeling all this anxiety and feeling a bit UP (missing those mood stabilizers means i am crashing up and down again). A friend called me at work and i very loudly informed everyone i was going to the shrink and was hoping he would put me on disability. i don't think he will. but i am scared to try to explain to him how bad its gotten.

and did you hear that author Bebe Moore Campbell died? She was diagnosed with a brain tumor in February. I just saw her speak less than a year ago. She wrote a book called "72 Hour Hold" It's the story of an African American woman with a Bipolar daughter. it is based on her experiences with a mentally ill family member. she gave a talk about how that book had not been as well received as her others mainly she believed because mental illness in the African American is a taboo subject. "we don't get mental illness--that's for white people."

Trust me when i say that stigma sticks even amongst educated african americans. So when you go to get help you are pretty assured of not getting familial support. and then you deal with the world's general view of mental illness.

anyhoo it saddened me that she had died. she autographed my book and i will treasure it. she also told me to get involved with the local NAMI chapter. I haven't gotten to that point of self-acceptance yet that i am going to stand up and say "i'm mentally ill and proud."