while i finally had a week where i finished all my assignments (whoohoo-thank you adderrall!) , i have paid the price for the up that adderrall has provided. i may be a bit hypomanic as i am not really sleeping--i get a bit hyperfocused on a task and just forget to go to bed. i'm forgetting to eat so i get a few headaches. and the adderrall is definitely giving the lamictal (mood stabilizer) a kick and the lamictal is not kicking back.
the bouncing of the emotions can make you weary. it is much like physical movement it seems. i have cried one moment and then felt defiant the next. little things set me off. i found old emails that rj had sent to me. suddenly it made him "real" to me and i missed him dreadfully. but then i went back to writing a poem about how i did not love him and did not even remember feeling anythign for him. weird.
i do wonder if the lamictal is dampening my emotions. i just don't remember having any. it's not that i don't think i am hahving them now; it's as if it is stripping them out of my memories. although as i think about it i do only seem ot have fleeting moments of emotion now. the rest of the time i just feel flat, not altered, just flat. it is much like being depressed without the sadness.
i'm late. i was supposed to walk the dogs 45 minutes ago and then get ont he road to visit mom.
i hope you all are well. you have been on my mind...
2 comments:
if you really are hypomanic that could be the cause of the emotional swings--between lack of sleep and the mania itself that can happen
couple of things to consider--is the dose of adderol too high-or-has your body just not adjusted to it-or-with the increase in adderol do you need an increase in mood stablizer---coming from the queen of mania as i apparently pass my crown onto you :)
all in all though it sounds like you are doing so well--i am proud of you
lyns
marie
thanks marie, you have no idea how much the support of the friends i have here has contributed to me doing better.
i don't think i have adjusted to the adderral and when i began the first dosage of adderrall i noticed the mood swings returning. pdoc said he would adjust it after he saw that it was not a temporary reaction and after he felt that the adderral dosage was right--he will only adjust one med at a time to make sure he pinpoints what is causing what. it's a slower process but i think a safer one.
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