ixnay of the life storyay

yeah so lost the desire to bother.

so anyway here's the mundane report on my life for today:

the lamictal seems to be working except once again it seems to stabilize me at a low which makes me a bit tired. i beginning to see the never ending struggle to find the right med combo

saw some former neighbors this weekend. love them to death but they are the intersection of 2 of the most dysfunctional families I have ever met. so let's see it was me, my neighbors (woman and man) who have been together 16 years but not married, their 6 year old son, the 6 yr old's best friend who happens the be the son of the woman's brother's ex girlfriend--a child they believed up until the little brown skinned baby was born was her brother's child, that boy's mother (the woman's brother's ex girlfriend) and her current boyfriend, the brother of the woman who used to date the latter mentioned girl--we found out he only knew about the get together because girl told him--who is not well liked by the the man because they got into a fight when the man tried to shove the woman and woman's brother hit him with a baseball bat. In addition there was man's brother-- former (?) drug addict, baby daddy to many but father to none-who had been locked out of his house by his ghetto wife for not answering his telephone while he was at work, and young man--man's brother's 2nd son from his first marriage who had not seen dad since he was a baby--and now is 13). so you can imagine how the night went. i am always amazed that i do not hear about a multiple homicide occuring at their house. funny the only person willing to not drink and try to maintain the peace was the woman on the largest amount of psych meds (that would be me).

they are a classic reminder of how the damage done by parents who are unaware (man is from family in which parents are shallow and look down on kids, dad was violent towards them and now they rarely se their kids or grandkids; woman is from family where brother committed suicide and their are some psychiatric problems that are just ignored and a lot of illness) leaks into the next generation and the next generation. they are good people (when they lived next door, would force me to come out of my apartment rather than hide, they would feed me, when they moved and i lost my job they offered to let me live in their basement, they just gave me money for xmas because they know i am struggling right now even though i know they are not in a position to really be giving away money), but damn are they F*ed up. I fear for their son. I see how they try to give him the best without spoiling him, but I also see how their unwillingness to acknowledge and deal with their issues head on is going to potentially destroy this kid. I feel like i am watching a rerun of my life without being able to speak or intervene.