haha

went to dad's "memorial service" mom was supposed to go and ofcourse mom pulled her age old stunt. i went by her house and she wasn't ready. since i was already pressed for time, i left her. i wish i could have seen the shock on her face. maybe i'll give her some ashes.

but that meant i was broke since i had planned to get toll and gas $$ from her (plus some extra) so i paid all my tolls with nickels, dimes and quarters all of the damn near $28 worth. that will teach them to charge me $6.45 for a single toll! mom knew i needed money so i think she thought it would force me to stop on the way home and then she would get me to take her grocery shopping. jokes on her. i may have had to buy gas in $5 increments and count coins but I made it. i was so glad to get home and find a paycheck from my pt time job.

I made it to the memorial about 45 minutes late. they had waited for me (my step mom is so cool).

my sister gave this long religiously laden "ceremony" (ha-we rented a funeral palour but didn't have a body nor did anyone know we had the ashes). she's a jehovah's witness. what caught my attention was their idea of what happens when you die. they believe there is nothing. nothing until jehovah creates paradise on earth and then you get to come back. no purgatory, no hell, no heaven--nothingness and then a big party. i could live (haha) with that. yeah unfortunately i need all that good christian guilt and fear to keep me from offing myself.

my dad wanted to be spread in his old neighborhood. but things being what they are (especially in NY) not such a good idea to be sprinkling around 28lbs of white powder--you are either going to be branded a terrorist or a drug dealer.

First i tried dumping some of him in a flower bed by a church. I'm trying to just dump the ashes out of the baggie (it was a ziploc-no twist ties, only the best for my dad!) and here goes my older sister grabbing a handful and waving her arm around talking about return ye to the dust of the earth or something. i couldn't really hear her as i was trying to run away by that point.

so we can not figure out how we are going to do this. we start walking around and while my step mom & sis snapped pictures, i popped a hole in the baggie and just let daddy slip out as we walked. ofcourse he kept getting stuck. and then the wind started blowing. and then my feet started hurting. so i dumped the rest of him in a bush by the projects and we went home.

my step mom had saved me some ashes (yeah I don't know why) so on the way home going like 90 miles an hour i opened the sunroof and thew a bit of him out the window.

ok must sleep. was trying to stay up to take meds but i will have to take them early.