"you survived one more day," she said.
and I cried, because it was another failure.


i can not shake the desire to die. no intent, just a very strong desire. i cling to it as if it is a life raft.

i know it is the several days of meds i have missed because i ahve been throwing up. but even when the pills are working, it is still a silent whisper.

"why don't you try to fight? try to learn to not be afraid of life?"
because if i lose my fear of living, i may also lose my fear of dying and succumb to the whispers.

at my very core i just want to be so messed up that no one has any expectations of me (including me of myself). i think i am just lazy that way. too lazy to live life and too lazy to bother about ending it.

"welcome to purgatory" the sign on the wall read.