don't say i know

you say it and either
---you are trying to pass time until i go away and take my misery with me.
---or you do know and i feel bad that you do know and that i am adding mine to yous.

don't tell me it will get better unless you have a date and time. and there had better be some double your money back policy if you are wrong. the dr. expects me to pay my bill by a certain date and time. why can't i expect a cure by one? I miss an appoint i get charged. his pills fail and i have to pay.

i don't know if i qualify for hospitalization. am i having suicidal thoughts? YES. the bratty "i can't deal with life so i might as well kill myself" kind. do i ahve access to a means? SURE but then we all do. do i have a plan? we've all heard enough stories to have a plan. it might not be the most well thought out plan... but i still believe that I will not do it. i could lie and say i would because it would get me hospitalized and maybe that is where i need to be.

but then they eventually expect you to leave...

i want to call my dr or my T and say HELP. but when they ask what's wrong I have no words. it is just wrong, every last iota of it.

and my boss is back. before her vacation i was in breakdown mode and after I am in breakdown mode. it's as if there was never any progress. and i don't think there ever was.