starts tomorrow. i hope there are crafts (cuz we all know that is the only reason i am really doing this--fuck mental stability--i need potholders)
i got the lecture from the T yesterday:
- for being late
- for not taking meds because i'd rather be manic and angry than depressed.
he said i was playing games with my meds. i wanted to assure him there was no game involved. i made a conscious decision that i could handle the mania more than i could handle the depression and anxiety and panic. - for starting the discussion "so, have you ever had a patient you knew was hopeless? what do you do."
so he says to me "you are helpable," and i laugh and tell him that its not like i'd really believe him cuz, "i'm sure there is some T rule against saying, 'damn you're really f*ed; i can't help you, actually no one can. thanks for stopping by.' he gets annoyed and says i am saying he's lying. i point out that i didn't say he was lying but actually said that the answer provided had equal chance of being untruthful or truthful which left me know real way to judge its veracity so it had no merit as a reliable answer. - for calling myself crazy.
don't bother trying to explain that like 'nigger' there is some empowerment by taking the word that was used to hurt and defusing it by making it your own to a middle aged white man.
and don't say "it's a black thing; you wouldn't understand.
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