wellbutrin xl 450 mgs (depression - max dose)
seroquel 100 mgs (calm my thoughts/clear my head - fyi: the nurses hail this as the wonder drug that patches up patients across the mental illness spectrum simply by varying the dosage; i gotta say i'm kinda loving it)
topamax 100 mgs (mood stabilizer)
trazadone 50-100mgs prescribed, 25 mgs taken as needed (sleep)
so the only thing i kept was the wellbutrin.
I just found out today that I will probably get a bill from the hospital for a co-pay. oh boy am i going to regret being there for over a month now. I'm hoping in network is covered 100% and I won't get a bill, but if it's at say 80%, I would owe $80 day for about 25 days. and my bankruptcy just closed yesterday. and I got a bill from the shrink's office for preparing the paperwork for my hospital stay - $125. It claims that the preparer was my therapist. umm hello.... he filled them out during MY therapy session which I paid for. I'm thinking that is a mistake and they meant to put the Dr's name as the provider. I guess my reaction to all these bills and financial stuff will be the true world test of whether the pills are really working.
you want funny? i missed my first release date because i slept all weekend and did not get out of the bed. my caseworker sees that as problematic. what she doesn't get is that that is my baseline depressed and that is where she was to get me back to from the suicidal ideation place i was. her idea of fixed and my idea of fixed aren't quite the same. if we waited for our ideas of fixed to be the same, i'd be there when 2 rounds of staff retired and be training the new staff.
ok and they have so little confidence that i can make it on my own and i am not on every day service anymore as i prepare for try 2 at discharge that i have to phone in tomorrow and let "mom" know i'm ok. except i already fucked up cause i'm out of my mood stabilizer. so i have 2 choices: 1-admit i fucked up and call for a script or 2-cut the the dose and stretch the pills. you know which one i am going to choose right?
I'm going to call and get a prescription. Hallelujah! I'm Healed!
i'm trying not to fortune-tell or catastrophize, but i'm not sure these pills will hold up under the pressure of returning to work. i saw a coworker walking down the street and while she didn't see me, i had a panic attack and she was a coworker i could tolerate well.
so now i'm kinda reading and rereading blogs and fiddling with some colors/designs and stuff trying to stay up until midnight when my bank will release the funds from my disability check and i can pay my utilities
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