read the title and description of the blog again

slowly i am settling back into my normal depression. or maybe it is settling into me.

even without the pressure of work looming over me and no real feeling of tiredness except in the morning, i find myself wanting to just stay in the bed. i kind of just want to be still. maybe if i am ever so still the depression won't find me. ha.

so i know there will be more med tweaks in my future. more pills. and more pep talks. and everyone else is soooooo happy. people keep telling me how much better i look and how glad they are i am better now. i'm happy they are happy. i won't drag them thru this hell with me and tell them how short lived those moments usually are. i won't warn them that the monster is knocking at the door.

my head is hurtling the negative thoughts at me. and i'm like the little red head kid ron in harry potter with the used and slightly damaged wand that i'm not to good with anyway. i'm trying to poof them away as fast as i can. but ii still don't feel like i want to die so i win.

i try to hold on to the saying "& this to shall pass" because it is so me, sometimes by the time i have finished uttering the words...