the return

so i go to work. seems it is not that simple.

i have to go to the office appointed for such matters to be OK'd; seems i have to be seen by their nurse.

she says the fax of a photocopy of the faxed form my dr. filled out for the short term disability people saying i could go back to work looked like a fake. mmmmm...

and by the way, you know that xanax the dr. prescribed for your anxiety? yeah not supposed to take that at work because it constitutes being under the influence. so i asked her "which do you think my coworkers would prefer, under the influence of xanax or under the influence of an anxiety attack?"

so after looking me up in the little computer where they keep track of all your info and asking me about my treatment during my leave she announces that she is not a psych nurse so i would have to see an employee assistance clinician. now after my first 2 experiences with them which left me enraged or suicidal or both, i wasn't so thrilled.

so she calls and gets me an appt in december. i'm like WTF? i can't go back to work until december? so she calls the dr's office to verify my fake document (the receptionist gets my file and opens it and reads her the copy of the "fake" document that is in the file and suddenly it is authentic). and now i am temporarily employed. but if i miss my appt with their clinician then the goons will be sent to oust me from my desk and throw me into the street.

excuse me, i need to go to the bathroom to do a number 2? may i have a hall pass and an escort? will i be able to flush or should i wait for someone to come with the digital camera to document it and then test it to make sure i am sane?

in the mean time someone has to call the STD people to verify that I am back to work. like why would they care? they ain't got to pay so does it matter if i'm on the corner sucking dicks for a dime?

"Hello? yes the crazy girl made it to work all by herself. No we frisked her she doesn't have anything on her but a #2 pencil and a pad of paper. (aside) Set the #2 pencil down on the desk and slowly step back, keep your hands where i can see them at all times. you are in violation of your release; you are to wield nothing more powerful than a crayola."

ex-con murders have to check in less than i do.