i tried to be careful not to get my hopes up about the new med (provigil); what i forgot to do was not start celebrating prematurely when it appeared to work. that first week was great. now...

it seems i go through options faster than research comes up with them. i read more journals hoping to find some other option. but it seems i am getting to the experimental stuff no one will pay for.

i guess it is time to face my options. one that was staring me in the face was that i would have to go on disability and simply teach part time because i will never be able to handle much more than that.

and now to start the search for answers again outside of the mental health arena, insisting that dr's look past my mental health history and stop labeling symptoms somaform or hypochondria.

one should not be praying for heart problems or cancer or some other horrible disease to simply have an answer, but that is where i am.