i'm trying to ignore life for a moment. putting off the things i need to do simply because i know i'll fuck them up.

i really want to just walk away. but i have this problem with disappointing people and not being the safe person.

if i quit my job and pack it all up how will i make it work? how will i find another job knowing that my last 2 job refs aren't going to be so stellar? how am i going to survive without health insurance. how i am i going to leave people who believe in me more than i believe in myself--they are after all the only reason i get up and keep on. don't want them to know what a farce i am. how will i got out into a world not knowing what the heck i want to do, afraid to try anything.