The dreariness is back. But truth be told I am so far from the depths of hell that I am still grateful. It just sucks to be sliding down hill. It doesn't even make me sad, it makes me angry. bitter really.

so much right now going on. we are moving offices. i will end up sitting near someone i don't care for. the stress of trying to contain my inner bitch is wearing me down. people don't get it because they ahve no idea what i am really capable of. they don't see what goes on in my head to keep it all together.

and then a friend has been cleared for becoming an adoptive parent. i am thrilled for her but so sad. my little brother is having a baby, another friend is pregnant too. it just kind of reminds me and makes me ache. i thought i was beyond this. ok so i didn't think i was past it. i was just hoping to keep side stepping it. i don't want to ache or long. but it will pass.
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I forgot to publish this last night. today was horrible. i acted a real bitch at work about our office move. i hate my new space -- it is like being packed in a coffin with an oversize desk and bookshelf. I can move my chair in about 16 inches in any one direction. Not even enough room to push back from your desk. Not even enough room for someone to stop by and visit without feeling like you have exceeded the fire marshal's allowable capacity.

i'm hoping this is PMS and this will pass. i feel like i want to claw my skin. it is definitely going ot be a seroquel night for a few nights.