i know that is sick. but as the depression lifts the anxiety reigns supreme. i had forgotten about the anxieties. the depression had forced me into such a small spot in life, with so little movement that there was little to be anxious about.
when i was super depressed i limited my life based on my triggers. now that the cloud is lifted it is not as easy. this new job brings all sorts of anxities about errors and perfectionnism that may set me up for one horrendous fall.
i'm wondering if i made a mistake leaving therapy. if i had stayed i could ahve been working on all of thos crap for the last 2 years and maybe i would ahve been better prepared for this moment.
but i won't dwell. i can't. the depression may come back but I don't need to go running to it with open arms right? but it is so comfortable, more comfortable than the world i see before me now. it's like walking theu a garden of beautiful flowers; the view is pectacular but you are allergic and miserable.
1 comment:
Long time not talk!!
Sounds like your taking a page from my book---might you be a bit afraid of being, dare I say it....Happy? Its okay not to be depressed.
In my twisted little mind, I get anxious about not being depressed. Its been a part of my life for so long, I struggle to enjoy life when I'm not.
Does this make any sense?
lyns
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