Ofcourse in the back of my head is that buzz that says this won't last. Eventually I will see it is a fake high fueled by a change. I wonder why I can't just enjoy the upward momentum in my moods. But I am not even trying to ponder that too long.
Odd thoughts pop thru your head even when you are "better"; thoughts that make it apparent how deep some of the issues you face go.
i wonder if they [meaning you all reading] are mad at me for feeling better.
its not fair that i feel better and my friends don't. i shouldn't be able to be happy.
i wonder if they hate me now. i feel better, i haven't been reading (coincidentally not because i feel better but because I did not get my bookmarks off of my old laptop so every time i go to read I can't figure out why I can't find my bookmarklet.)
You don't need to address any of those. This s not a plea for reassurance. and as many of you experience, even though someone reassures you, it does not always assuage the anxiety.
It is weird now to feel a bit better. I feel like I lost myself. No, not like I found myself, but like I LOST myself.
1 comment:
As a regular reader of your blog, NO, I am not angry you are feeling better. Of course not!
And I think you have every right to be happy!
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