I've heard other bipolars say this before. Hell I ma sure i have said it before. Right now I would give anything for a wee bit of mania. Just enough that I felt like all was right with the world and I could accomplish anything. Just enough that I didn't need quite so much sleep so I could squeeze in a few more things from the to do list.
I even thought about "tweaking" my meds to accomplish it. Eliminate the AD for a few days, halve the stabilizer and have the seroquel on standby.
Don't worry. I am not going to do it because I don't want to push my luck. It is funny to realize that stability has it's downsides. It is an epiphany I have intellectually had before but never experienced on an emotional level. I miss the vividness/richness with which I experienced life. Yet, I will give it up for the greater good. Perhaps peeling back some of the layers of my issues will be like cataract surgery for my soul. I'm just not there yet.
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