i was talking to a friend last night and saying that i was lonely. but the reality is perhaps that is not it. perhaps i want someone to act as a diversion, someone for me to delve into their life and forget my own. someone to define me so i don't seem so insignificant.  and yet i really can't have a healthy relationship and i have gotten so use to being rather a slob physically, mentally, psychologically, emotionally that adapting to someone else would be rather hard.

bah.