mark my words

i think i have a brain tumor. (if you are my dr. readingt his it is because i want to scream "I TOLD YOU SO!"

So i asked the eye dr. about the seeing "things" in my peripheal vision. usually i think something has moved. it is usually the size of a rodent. this morning i saw a flash in aplace i new could not be a rodent and it upset me. because it also did not stick with my theory that it is light bouncing off something because nothing was there.

so i googled hallucinations and found ou that something i had been experiencing for a long time is considered a halucination--feeling like a bug is crawling on me. the feeling used to terrify me. but after countless times reachign and finding nothing there i ahve learned to try to dismiss it in my mind. i stil find i have to touch the area where it occurs to kind of break the cycle.

i'm not sure if i am hallucinating or if my mind is having trouble interpreting signals. like i walked on a squeaky board under the carpet and kind of thought my neighbors were talking upstairs.

and i ahve had one of those headaches to beat all headaches for 2 days now. i am so nauseous that i can not fathom the idea of swallowing the morning meds (or last nite's meds) but i know i will.

each day that passes i am convinced that ia have a brai tumor. either i do, or my mental state is rapidly declining (because of the insistence with which i cling to that idea) the problem is either way figuring out what to tell the dr. tell them i think i hava brain tumor and they think i am crazy. tell them i think i am hallucinating and they think i ma crazy.

and now i am tired again.