mom called. cell and home and left no message. called her back and she was talking about giving me money. i think she thought that would make me drive. but i am not. and the neighbors are split. one thinks i should go get her and the other thinks she is being ridiculous. ofcourse the one who thinks i am being ridiculous is the one who would be most inconvenienced if i had to go get her.
and i am NOT going to anyone's house for xmas dinner. i am going to make myself xmas breakfast. go to church., come home and bake cookies and maybe make homemade icecream and then make dinner for me and Katie and hang out in my PJs. i might even get some DVDs to watch. and i am going to do some crafts. and maybe put up a few websites.
BTW credit card companies must think you are stupid. i answered the phone for the first time in months and told the guy, sorry i'm filing for bankruptcy. he starts saying i can settle the account. and i'm thinking what, are you stupid? why would i pay you (other than my obligation--which i do feel a little bad about, but i would still end up struggling and how do you at that point choose which of the companies should get the money?) when i will still have a bankruptcy on my record and would have all the debt wiped out? he starts saying well you will have to pay some of the money back and i tell him that is with chapter 13. i have to file chapter 7 because i only have $20 at the end of the month and there is nothing to reorganize!
anyhoo. i am off to start my xmas shopping! no one gets a gift more than $20 (except my one elderly neighbor who will be getting a subscription to a magazine).
i feel a bit bad about my mom. but i have to draw some boundaries. she can not drown us both in her anxieties and issues. i am barely able to keep afloat with my own. if she wants to live a life dominated by fear than that's ok. it's not the life i want for her, but then that's not my choice either. i can not keep pushing everything in my life aside to accommodate everyone else.
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