this is why i am therapy

so i am in the car backing out of the parking space to get on the road to get my mother as we have planned for several days and the phone rings.

she starts hemming and hawing about how she's not ready which angers me because she knew what time i would be arriving. and then i realize she is being passive aggressive and there is something else going on. i know she doesn't like to travel at night but since i have to do ALL the driving and i have things i'd like to do tomorrow like shop for some gifts for neighbors and a few people. so when i told her that she was being passive aggressive she came out with the fact that she is afraid to leave the house at night thinking they might rob/carjack us. and while that might be true, i don't want to drive tomorrow--the roads will be packed with travelers and shoppers.

funny it's what the therapist and i spent the session talking about because i knew this would happen.

so now becomes the quick steps to dodge all the people who want me to come spend xmas with them because they too expected this from my mom. what people don't get is i don't want to sit with someone else's family. it just reminds me how fractured mine is. i know people mean well but i just want to stay home and curl up and day dream and forget the world exists outside my door for a bit. it's not in sadness. just be nice for everything to be quiet and still.