a "funeral" my father's family style

Planning dad's commemoration was more like a game of "telephone" (where people would pass a message along whispering form one person to the next to see how warped it would get in the end). everyone kept saying 1 pm as if something significant was happening at 1.

Here are the players:

• ex-wife (EW1) and children 1-9 (C1-9):
  
  
  
  • C1 has been estranged from his mom and his siblings for sometime.
    
  • C2 seems to have had a stronger bond with daddy lately due in part to a problem between her and her mother too.
    
  • C9 has not spoken to daddy in YEARS.
    
  • C3-9 are VERY close to their mom.
    
  
  
• baby momma #1 (BM1) & child #10 (C10-me)
  
• baby momma #2 (BM2) & child #11 (c11)
  
• step mother (SM)
  

so here's the short version:

1. dad dies; C11 calls C1 and tells him he will kill him if he ever sees him again.
   

   background: we later find out that C1, who has always been daddy's fav because 1) he's 1st born, 2) he's a boy and 3) he hates EW1 as much as dad did, has not spoken to dad in over a year. seems like he blames dad for his business not suceeding. Dad finally decides that this would not just blow over as he thought it would so he called C1 and tried to extend the olive branch. C1 did not return the call. Seems dad then said something to either C11 or SM that leads us to believe he may have passively committed suicide by not taking his meds because he was upset that C1 would not speak to him. So C11 in his grief and anger and the bloated machismo he got from my dad, called C1 and made the threat.
   

   
   
2. SM finds out BM2 is on her way to the hospital. SM informs C11 that she does not want his mom (BM2) viewing dad's body. BM2 knows she is disliked very strongly by my dad. But C11 either does not tell his mom or his mom ignores him and she (BM2) views the body. SM is upset.
3. C2 is the only child to rush to dad's house (an 8 hour drive for her). she is a bit of a drama queen. she seems to have recently developed this strong "bond" with dad, partly I believe because she is now feuding with her mom EW1.
   
4. BM2 decides she will come by the house to "pay her condolences." we believe she was actually trying to do some recon to make sure my dad wasn't hiding money that she should get in the name of her now 23 year old son. She is stopped at the door by C2 who informs her that SM is not accepting visitors right now and refuses to let her in the house.
   
5. C8 begins calling everyone and saying service is at 1pm and is pushing the 1pm time without giving any specifics like what is happening or where. at some point in time, C8 decided to inform SM that his mom, EW1, is coming and asks if it is ok if she comes to the "service" which will be at dad's house. SM says no because she knows my dad would not have liked that.
   
6. I am fairly sure it was right about now that C3-8 begin planning to just move the service. They do not inform C1 (estranged), C2 (not fully in their camp), C9 (who is traveling with me, will probably side with them because of her affinity for her mom and lack of affinity for dad), me (c10) or C11. Hints are dropped as people start saying that there might not be enough room at the house for all the people (the house is HUGE), but no one is being direct.
   
7. C3-8 arrive and inform SM they are moving service somewhere else. SM tells them she can't go because she had not made arrangements to have someone care for her almost bedridden mother and autistic nephew. They tell her that one of the "16-21 year old grandsons" could be left to care for the 80+ year old stroke victim with some dementia who has never met these people before and she refuses. They leave.
   
8. c1 arrives and since no one told him about the change he decides to just stay at SM's house and wait. He knows about the "showdown" with the others but is simply waiting for me and c11 to arrive
   
9. I arrive with C9, whom I have picked up on my way, and only C1 and c2 are at the house with SM. C1 pulls me aside and apprises me of the situation and his feelings. SM bursts into tears and asks me if she is wrong. while i think it is petty and stupid, I understand and support her because she is simply trying to respect the wishes of her dead husband. C1, 2, 9 & I are all in agreement that the action of the other's was wrong.
10. C11 arrives with girlfriend and calls c3-8 to find out where they are and to tell them we have arrived (me & c9). He (c11) doesn't really know what is going on. C3-8 say they are coming to get us.
    
11. c1 decides he does not want to stick around for his sibling's arrival to avoid any confrontations so he leaves (he doesn't even say goodbye). I tell c2 & c8 that I am not going with the others because I do not feel that it is respectful or fair to SM. I ask them to go just to quell any rumours that I am mad and not going because I don't like my half sibs and to try to get things on a more peaceful track. I quickly tell C11 what is going on but insists that he goes with his girlfriend to help there be peace. plus i don't reallyc are if we are all one big happy fam; i gave up and got over that a long time ago, but i don't think he has. I ask them to just meet them at the door so there is no awkwardness when they figure out I am not going and for my SM.
    
12. they leave; c8 realizes I am not coming and he comes into the house, gives me a quick hug and hands me one of the memorial leaflets and leaves.
    
13. Sm and I spend a lot of time just talking about my dad and family dynamics. My dad's cousin comes over. She is a riot and we talk forever. I find out that my dad used to do coke.
    
14. c2, c9 & c11 return. we all watch some tv and just hang out and laugh and laugh. Find out that my dad was married between EW1 and SM so there is an EW2 who existed during my lifetime that I did not know about (seems like I was the only child who did not know)
    
15. few hours later C3, 4 & 8 show up at the house. C8 and SM are in another room talking for a long time. C3 (whom I ahve never met) meets me and we all play nice. the entire thing was tense.
    
16. i stay and spend day with SM even though I had planned on leaving right out. Wanted her to be able to run some errands and just not suddenly be deserted. find out that c11 seems intent on figuring out what he is going to get as his "inheritance." mmm let's see 1/11th of 0 is .000000000000 you idiot. seems he was worried about the house with no real regard for the fact that my stpe-mother actually owns it. then it was my father's bracelets. He wanted them all. now here's my thinking--you are number 11 so unless there is a will, you have no right to demand anything until after 1-10 are served. #2 that is so inconsiderate of my stepmother--it's not like my dad has much of anything anyway.

even in death my dad has managed to divide the fam.