oh the drama that will unfold

ok i managed to get my sis a plane tix to come to the "memorial" using some of my bankruptcy filing money. the drama of making that whole thing work at the last minute (had to go put cash in bank, come back and try to buy tix online, call 800 number, get guy in india, go back online, buy tix, then drive to the airport (25 minutes) to show my id and bank card or they wouldn't let her on the plane in vegas).

so i'm thinking nothing left to do but get ready... then step mom calls. my dad made it very clear how much he disliked wife number 1 and baby momma # 2. my mom he dind't always have the nicest things to say about but didn't come down to hatred.

so his wishes were that neither be allowed to view his body or enter his home or attend any memorials, etc. now mind you, i happen to like wife #1. i think she is a wonderful lady now that i have met her. i don't think my dad was necessarily telling the truth about her. but his wishes are his wishes.

but it seems that no one can stand up to their moms. i made it pretty clear that it would be an uncomfortable situation if my mom came so she declined. she would have anyway.

but it seems as if baby momma #2 did somehow get to view dad's body and pray over it after step mom making wishes known to son.

and now i find out that wife #1 is coming with all her kids but step mom had to tell her no she could not come to memorial at house. i'm not sure how kids who are very attached to their mom are going to take it.

i feel for my stepmom. she is trying to be loyal to my dad and his wishes. i think she may also believe a lot of the crap that my dad spewed about his past relationships. the bottomline is she has to respect his wishes.

and now it seems to be that there is goingn to be a problem as 11 kids try to divide what amounts to nothing 11 ways. my lil brother keeps just trying to get things, things he should not try to take out of the house without sitting down and discussing it with my step mom. yes i know it's his dad, but she cared for him thru his last few bad years so i would not dream of asking her for anything of his especially not the things which are the essence of him like his bracelets.

the problem will be that wife # 1 and her clan outnumber everyone else so in a fight it would get ugly.

i knew this was coming. its why the biggest anxiety provoking dreams" were of my wedding day and/or father's funeral. he should have dealt with this before he died. but he was so unreasonable about acknowledging anyone else's "truth" or even being respectful of his children's feelings for their mothers. it always seemed like you had to choose your mom or him.

suddenly i feel sick to my stomach. it's going to be a long drive. and i know how my sister feels about her mom and about dad. so she may get there and refuse to go to the house. they might all refuse to go to the house. and while i'd want a chance to meet all of them, i wouldn't feel right deserting my step mom.

so it might end up being me, my step mom, her invalid mom and her autistic nephew and about 25lbs of ashes. sheesh i hope no one knocks the ashes over; the autistic nephew once made a berry bush disappear because it made a mess (roots and all). when my dad said he wanted his ashes scattered, i don't think he meant on the lr floor or by a hoover.