just a quick note to let you no that i am climbing uo very slowly. what has helped the most i think is reading the book "Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from BPD" and Listening to "Bad Childhood, Good Life" on Audio Book". oh yeah and a rapid titration of effexor.
i'm still a bit apprehensive. but this is definitely improvement. unfortunately it may be too much too quick is i think i am heading towards mania (I am punchy and angry and felt a weeeeeeeee bit like i couldn't control my talking at group). so it seems there will be another prescription in my future. GEE what fun!
i'm trying not to get angered or enraged at the thought or the tiredness or the meds. we had a bit of a coup at partial today as we for the 2nd day in a row took over PM group. they made the mistake of telling me how much this little babysitting expedition is costing and i"m paying $80/hour to play scattergories. I could be seeing my therapist. i will admit that i would probably spend the time at home isolating and in bed simply because this process is draining but dang.
so for the 2nd day in a row we forced them to come up with an exercise that was not as deep and heavy as AM therapy but still gave us an outlet.
hahaha! i did feel bad because my case manager and the manager got into it because my case manager forced me to stay in OT when I did not want to but the Director said that I did not have to stay in the room if I did not want to. Now in hindsight I can see why she wanted me in a space where she could keep an eye on me - she thought the worst. they don't really seem to get me and how i cope. sometimes it seems to be a one size recovery fits all.
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Ok if it makes you feel any better here is one for the mania books...
I pick up a co-worker who works remotely for us (that I have only met once) and took him to a meeting we were having on a project he is working for us. Now mind you I was just there as the liason because I know the customer well. The project manager was there (who I am very good friends with) and to start his morning I am late. Then I have to escort him on to the base and the damn gate guard was a moron and said he needed a pass. I was like "where am I going to stick it on his ass? he is not dirving". So they make me drive to the other gate. Now mind you we are already late. I have now flown into full on torrets and I am cussing and swearing and driving and calling and texing the customer and project manager(PM). I am not a good driver anyway. So this poor guy is holding on for dear life and just nodding his head as I cuss the world out. We get to the meeting and the PM asks if I am going to run the meeting or him. I say I am too tired you do it. I then proceed to RUN the entire meeting like crack fiend. We then leave to go to lunch and all I can say is OMG did you see that guy in the meeting (the client) he has no ring and is HOT... Then regailed them of my weekend in Vegas to see my brother where I spent little time with him and was naughty. I might need a new job or programmer... HAHAHA
That my friend is mania at its finest.
Hope I gave you a giggle with my looney tune-ness.
XO
J
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