odd thoughts

the desperation fuels odd thoughts. i wondered today if it would be better to do pot because i'd be so relaxed i wouldn't care about anything or speed because it would give me energy.

i've been thinking a lot lately; that's never a good thing. the trip down memory lane has been linked i think to reading the life story of crystal over at boobs injuries and dr. pepper.

i used to read crystal a while back. she's a riot. she's blunt & politically incorrect and i loved that. but the darkness consumed me and i guess i fell off reading. her life seemed rather charmed to me. she was pretty and witty and all that.

but i opened up my bloglines account again after forever and there her link was with all these unread posts and the last few were title the crazy chronicles. the gist of it is, crystal hit a bad spot and ended up in the psych ward. she had to do some serious soul searching about what lead her to be there. she has been very painfully examining her life in a very public venue.

I had planned to stop reading after her experiences in the psych ward. although she was in full treatment and i was in partial so much of the feelings she had mirrored my own. but i kept reading and kept reading. she's been thru more than i could imagine. her life could be a lifetime movie. but she's still fighting.

i look at all the people who seem to have so much fight left and they have kids or a significant other or youth on their side or they have some passion. i have passions but none of them are enough it seems to get me past my demons. and the rest is all lost to me.