"about face"

so the last dr's appt went about as i had hoped it would not...

he was extremely disturbed by the symptoms and didn't really know what else to do

so he did the only thing left to do -- reduce the effexor thinking maybe the AD is causing the sluggishness.

when he said that, the dread that crept into my throat almost choked me. i have been too depressed too long to think about living without an AD. when he said i could try reducing it completely out -- all i could see was an ambo coming to cart me off to a hospital.

but then i thought, maybe the worst - the overlying depression - is over. the rest is the borderline and as i keep realizing, no med will help that.

damn i look back now and wish that i had had better mental health care. because he may be right that the long term over treatment with ADs may be adversely effecting me. I don't know. i just don't know. it's not clear to me anymore.