maybe i am depressed. maybe now that the super depression is gone i wouldn't recognize a regular depression. maybe i have been down so low for so long that this level of hell seems like happy? so maybe my mind is making my body ill? maybe i am causing the nausea and headaches and all.
here's what I don't get... if my mind can cause my body such wreckage, why can't i just think "die" and be dead? (just a pondering not a lamentation really)
ah well. atleast on other terms life is not so bad. i made small strides at cleaning up the apt. i took care of some outstanding paperwork which had been nagging me.
i am trying to push past as mnay of the moments of fatigue as possible. i am trying to recognize the difference between fatigue because i have been emotionally too over stimulated by spending too much time in social interactions outside of my house and real fatigue (despite the fact that both really wear me down).
i saw a hospital in MA that has a program that specializes in Borderlines. I thought about giving up everything and moving there and trying to get into one of their residential programs.
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