But the truth is, I'm not. And I couldn't quite figure out why I seem hell bent on holding on to the idea that I am still depressed. I almost feel like i am thinking myself into light depression.
Basically, I am afraid. The minute I acknowledge that I am feeling a bit better and I am happy about that, is the minute that fate seems to remember that it should be kicking my emotional ass. It's the let down. It's the moment when you can remember the light as it slowly fades further from your grasp. That is more painful than deep unrelenting depression I think.
it is a recurring theme i know most of you reading can relate to. many of you have written on it yourself. the shattering of hope. the anger of a reprieve that was far too short. It is like the depression has a buy 1 get 3 free sale on depressed days and happy has a buy one give half of it back "sale." If I could just have as many good days as bad.
1 comment:
Lol... sorry replying to this a little late. What I find funny is that my latest blog entry is titled 'recurring theme'.
Mm, I know exactly what you mean. The moment you're happy what follows is this strange fear that depression must surely follow any period of happiness.
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