it is weird this place i am.
kind of like an emotional purgatory. devoid of... well i don't know. devoid of the depth of emotion? or is it only devoid of the depth of depression? maybe because it was the only thing i felt for so long.
peel it back and you get the anxieties. so i tr not to spend too much time awake because they drive me insane with the thinking. each thought is like twisting a sharp object into my brain and twisting. but it is kind of like when you first cut and you feel nothing for that moment. and you know the pain is coming but that one brilliant moment you just sit and watch and wait.
i feel like i am sitting and watching and waiting for the pain to bowl me over. i know i am torturing myself. I thought if i avoided this place and the people who have provided support that i could just ignore it, act as if it no longer existed. ike that part of me was left sitting in my old cubicle, at my old job.
but i can't escape myself right?
But I am ok. so much better than where i was. i'm just not ok.
1 comment:
That's a hard place to be in, anticipating the depression to return, or even wanting it to.
I hope that it stays away and you learn to feel comfortable without it. I also hope that at some point I get there too.
Please take care of you!
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