Oh I really messed up

I'm going to regret letting him back in. This might be my undoing. All of the old issues resurfacing quickly. I absolutely hate myself. I hate how I've allowed myself to get fat. I hate that I won't do anything about it. I hate how blocked I feel about doing something about it. I used to be able to make myself minimally acceptable in my eyes. Now... well not so much. All of the negative obviously ludicrous self-talk has created a chatter in my head that is giving me a headache. All of the issues surrounding him I thought I had dealt with. I feel like such a fool.